There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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