super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
