Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
