Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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