she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
