you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
