I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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