to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
