When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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