Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
