The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
