Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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