I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
