Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
