my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
