so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
