we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
