I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
