C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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