O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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