im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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