I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
