Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
