I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
