I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
