drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
