Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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