i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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