glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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