my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
