So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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