woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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