It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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