Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
