went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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