My liver just broke up with me...
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
