Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
