So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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