I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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