There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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