I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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