When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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