I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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