no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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