i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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