i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
smell my finger.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
