My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
