Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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