Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
