i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
