im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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