I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
